


Penny For Your Thoughts

by nothingeverlost



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Rape Aftermath, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-03-08 20:46:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3222881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingeverlost/pseuds/nothingeverlost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're the member of the BAU, a special task force within the FBI that tracks down monsters; serial killers, rapists, those that prey on the innocent.  They're also family, a tight team that rely on each other.</p><p>But what happens with the monster hunts down one of their own?</p><p>Criminal Minds AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	Penny For Your Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Rape.
> 
> Please be warned that this story contains reactions to and emotions following rape of a main character.
> 
> This story is not suggested for anyone who likes Hook.
> 
> Pairings with include Rumbelle, Gremma, and Snowing. Possibly others.

David offered her the guest room, if she wanted to stay with him and his wife. Graham said he’d sleep on the sofa if she wanted to stay at his place. Emma offered a bed as well; six year old kids could be a good distraction. But they could be loud and messy, Emma warned. Gold, without a word, slipped his spare key onto the table next to her fork. She slipped it into her pocket before heading to her own apartment.

The first night home she slept solidly, exhaustion and medication helping. The second night her father came over, unsure what to say or what to do, other than to make her dinner and stare at her bruises. It was late when he left, and she was half asleep on the sofa where they’d been watching movies. She didn’t bother moving. It was the third night, when sleep was still elusive, that she got dressed at three am and drove the twenty minutes to the outskirts of the city. The pink house was in shadows, and she hurried to undo the lock. She slipped the chain into place for good measure and headed for the kitchen.

She was drinking tea when she heard him coming down the stairs, wrapped in the gold silk robe that she was certain cost as much as some people spent on a car down payment. He liked nice clothing and had the money to spend; she liked to tease him about it.  
"Are you hungry?" His hand rested on the counter next to her teacup. "There’s leftover Chinese."

Belle shook her head. ”You know you have a beautiful kitchen, Gabe. You should learn to use it someday.”

"I use the tea kettle." He looked at her, his free hand reaching out as if he wanted to touch, but it was frozen an inch from her skin. Hardly anyone had touched her, other than doctors, in the last six days. And before that…

"I’m not broken." She covered his hand with her own, closing the distance. Even through the bandage on her cheek she could feel the heat of his touch. "I have a few more scars than I did before, but he didn’t break me."

"He tried. He want to, and I…"

"You did your job, and then some. How many hours did you sleep each night while I was gone?" Her whole team, she knew, worked exhaustively. But she knew him; if they worked twenty hours a day he worked twenty-two.

"it wasn’t enough. You almost…"

"I didn’t." Every time Jones had come into the hold of the ship she’d hated it, but that last day when he hadn’t come, and she’d been hallucinating from the lack of water, food, and sleep she’d been convinced it was over. She’d had hours left, perhaps, maybe another day. She didn’t know what was harder, imaging her team finding her too late, or knowing that they might never find her, and she would always be a cold case.

"Every time I looked at the pictures in the case file I saw you. I knew what he could do." The only light in the kitchen was above the oven, behind him. Gold’s face was in shadow.

"We all kew what he could do. But the difference between me and his victims is that I’m still here. He lost everything and I’m still here." it was easier to separate herself from the others. They were victims and she was… something else. The commonality of their experience, the weeks in the ships hold, the cuts that would become scars, the memories, those were harder to face. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Of course." He rinsed her cup for her, leaving it in the sink. Together they walked the familiar path up the stairs to his bedroom. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d slept there, on nights they worked late, or found it easier after returning from a case to go to one home instead of two. He had two other bedrooms, but almost from the start they’d shared a bed, though it was over a year before they’d done anything other than sleep.

"My apartment is too quiet, even when I leave on the tv. I’ve always liked how even the silence has sounds here." There were clocks ticking, the hum of the furnace, the sound of water in the pipes. And his breathing. Other than Jones’ visits she’d been so isolated on the boat.

Gabe wore pajamas under his robe. Belle wore only underwear under her sweatshirt and pants, and stripped out of them as well, leaving only a few bandages. He hadn’t seen everything yet, though she assumed he’d read every report he could get his hands on. If he’d asked Archie to do his computer magic that meant everything from medical records to reposts from the chief.

Her wrist hurt the most, where the metal cuff had rubbed against the skin for weeks. The cut on her stomach and across one breast was the most shocking to look at when the bandages were changed. Even if it hadn’t gotten infected it would have scarred. He’d cut away her clothing with his hooked hand, and threatened to do more. She wouldn’t tell that part to Gabe, or to anyone else. Jones had fucked with her mind enough without her allowing his words to hurt more people.

"I need you to look at me, Gabe. Not my bruises, not what he did to me, but just at me. I don’t need you to fix me, but I’m asking you to be with me." Her father had hugged her too tight and hadn’t wanted to talk about anything. The Quantico shrink had wanted to talk about how she felt. The reports she’d filed had wanted details about the events, with the least amount of emotion possible. Her team wanted her to be okay, and allowed her to bury herself in work. But she needed to find her own way to deal with things.

"You want to… are you sure you should…"

“ _We_ should. We can, if it’s what you want too.” She wanted to remember his hands on her body, not a hook. She wanted to see him looking at her with that look he got in his eyes, lust and worship and love and sometimes sometimes even laughter. She wanted an orgasm freely given, not forced from her by biology alone.

She had not kissed him since the hospital, a fragile moment when he had not even known she was awake, and seemed to be making sure she was real. That she was alive. She kissed him now, a hand resting on his shoulder. ”Do you see me?”

"I’ve always seen you, even when I didn’t think I should be looking." He was to old for her. Years of chasing monsters had made him bitter, unworthy of her. She’d heard it often when she’d been convincing him they could have something. "I saw you when you weren’t here, too. I was afraid you were haunting me."

"I’m here." Her left arm wasn’t bruised, and he held her right below the elbow as he kissed her, drawing her lip into his mouth. Waiting until her tongue touched his before searching her mouth with his tongue. She moaned when his tongue brushed the roof of his mouth.

"Did I…"

"I promise to tell you if anything hurts, if you promise to trust me. It feels good, better than anything has since… for a while." She undid the buttons of his shirt. "I want to see you too."

He nodded and stayed still, understanding that they needed to move at her own pace, letting her be in control. Jones hadn’t made her afraid of men, only of one man, but she was scared as she slipped off Gabe’s pants and let them fall. Not of him, but his perception of her. What if she was no longer desirable? What if he pitied her? What if he couldn’t bear to touch her where she’d been touched by Jones?

“We all have scars,” Gabe said as he stepped out of the pajama bottoms, looking down at his leg. It had been one of his earliest cases, when the BAU was just being formed. He’d been out for six months, just learning to walk again. On bad days he needed a cane still, not that he usually admitted when it was a bad day. He touched his fingertips to her stomach just above the bandages.

“And the bruises fade.” She made herself look in the mirror once a day, and only covered the ones on her face with makeup, washed away hours ago.

“They don’t change how beautiful you are.” He kissed the nape of her neck when she turned towards the bed, and stopped her when she was sitting on the edge. He knelt awkwardly on the floor, a hand resting on each thigh. “May I?”

A part of her understood what he was doing. He knew Jones, had slipped into his mind a hundred times to work out what he would do and how to catch him. Gabe would understand that Jones was not interested in a woman’s pleasure. He wouldn’t have done such an unselfish thing. The small voice in the back of her head understood that, but she was preoccupied with her senses, looking at him, feeling her touch. It mattered less why, and more that it was what she needed. “Touch me, Gabe.”

He hadn’t shaved since the day before, his whiskers rough against her skin. She shivered at the feather light graze of his tongue, just the tip. He barely touched her, and moved slowly. It wasn’t teasing, not really. It was something more delicate. More careful. Each time he touched her it was just a little more, like easing into water an inch at a time. But she didn’t need to get used to him. His hair was not as soft as usual when she ran her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer. Showers in the locker room at work, with the two in one shampoo he eschewed in favor of his upscale brand, she figured. “I want to feel you.”

He listened, his tongue becoming more vigorous. When she began to squirm he eased a single finger inside of her. it felt so good her eyes closed for a moment.

She was back on the boat. The room smelled of seawater and the door was opening.

“Sweetheart?” Gabe was looking up at her, and she realized that her hand had tightening into a fist. She was pulling at his hair.

She was safe. “I’m sorry. I got lost in the feeling. Did I hurt you?”

“No.” His brows were drawn together, that look he got when he was trying to figure someone out. She didn’t need him looking too close.

“Will you do that again?” She stroked his hair, not daring to weave her fingers through the strands again. She didn’t dare to close her eyes again either, staring at the top of his head or the strands of his hair that brushed against her thigh. It was a fight to keep them open when she came, but she dug her nails into her palm. She wouldn’t let the moment belong to anyone other than her and Gabe.

“Come to bed?” She held out her hand to him, helping him to stand. When she saw his erection she was flooded with relief. He wanted her.

He came to bed, but worked his way to her slowly, kissing her belly, tracing the outline of her bandages. Looking as if he could see through them and trying, badly, to hide her frown. “The infection is gone and they’re healing.” 

She’d seen her doctor the day before. They’d wanted her to stay in the hospital at least another day. She’d promised visits every other day for a week at least. She’d had enough of being confined to a single room. 

“Kiss me?” She wanted to make him forget, for at least a little while. She wanted to forget.

The first time he’d kissed her they’d been working late and playing another round of ‘let’s ignore this thing between us, we’re just co-workers.’ She’d been getting coffee, and he’d stopped her as she’d reached for a mug, and kissed her. She’d almost forgotten her name, and had gone to sit down at the wrong desk. He always had the ability to make her think about nothing but his touch. She was counting on it.

He knelt above her, careful not to put any weight on her, even though she knew the position had to put stress on his bad leg. Little touched other than their lips. Everything was spinning, and she could smell him. Taste him. Want him. She kissed him back, with less gentleness. She needed him and wanted him to need her too. “Gabriel.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, as he had their first time.

“Yes.” She watched as he sat up, reaching for the drawer where he kept the condoms. They were always careful, but it was even more important now. She’d only been back on the pill for four days, and considering the antibiotics she was taking they were quite possibly useless. She watched him rolling it on. There were times she took over the task, but not tonight.

“Tell me if there’s anything you want, or don’t want sweetheart. I will do anything to make sure this is good for you.” He watched her carefully as he slipped two fingers into her. Making sure she was wet, and ready. Because it mattered to him.

_“Tell me what you want, love. I’ll be the best you ever had.” He knelt above her, his pants undone, the cold metal of his hook caressing her breast._

“No.” She pushed, as hard as she could, fighting the nausea and the smell of brackish water as she ran. It wasn’t until she was out of the room that she began to see the hall for what it was, Gold’s house and not a part of the ship. 

She couldn’t go back in the bedroom. Instead she made her way to the hall bath, splashing cold water on her face, not looking in the mirror. Shivering, less from the cold and more from the adrenalin.

“Belle.” He stood framed by the doorway, but a step back, leaving her enough room if she needed to escape quickly. He wore his pajama bottoms, and held up his robe.

“I didn’t want to bring him here. He wasn’t supposed to be a part of it.” He was dead, but he wouldn’t stop hurting her. She couldn’t make him go away.

“We don’t usually see this part of it. We work a case, and then we leave. We don’t see what happens after.” He watched her as he took a step to the threshold. Another, into the bathroom. She held out her hand.

“I can’t let him win.” It would only get harder. Already she wanted to go home. She wanted to retreat from her failure. But she refused. She could be brave, or at least fake it. She held Gabe’s hand and guided it to her right breast.

“I would kill him again, if I could.” She could see the anger flash in her eyes when she looked at him through the mirror. She could see the pain, too, that was easier to read than her own.

“I don’t need him more dead, I need him gone.” She reached behind herself, rubbing him through the silk pants, not surprised to find that he was no longer erect. She watched his reflection in the mirror. “I need to see that it’s you.”

“This is my hand on your breast, and my lips on your neck.” Her nipple puckered as her teased it with his nail. She watched.

“The first time I ever saw you, sitting in the front of the lecture hall, I thought about your neck. It was distracting and I lost my place two times.”

“Four, at least.” She’d only been an Academy student then, and he’d been the great Gabriel Gold, Special Agent, author, and one of the original members of the BAU. She’d asked him out for coffee. He’d said yes the first time. And then a case had come up and she never got a chance to see if he’d go a second time. It had been three years before she’d gotten to talk to him in person again,

“But only two times because of your neck. Your eyes were distracting as well.” Her side was only slightly bruised, and he rubbed his fingertips along her ribs. His lips brushed against the back of her neck.

“Was there anything else you found distracting?” He was pulling her back to the past. Rooting her in memories that were taken from a less painful place.

“Your mind. You were smart, I’d expected that. No one gets recommended to the unit if they’re not brilliant. But you argued with me. That first round table I was so certain we were looking at a escalation from voyeurism, but you saw it different and you wouldn’t let up until I listened.” It had been a rocky few months, until they’d learned to listen to each other. “And then on the plane ride back you fell asleep on my shoulder. I think I knew even then that I wanted you.”

“I would have taken you back to the dorms, that first day, if I could have. But it would have been a mistake.” He was her lover, but so much more. Her team mate. Her family. She would have missed out on that. 

“A bit too public for my taste.” He paused to push down his pajama bottoms. Belle gripped the sink tightly. 

“Don’t ask me if I’m sure, Gabe.” She kept her eyes open and focused on his reflection. His brown hair was so familiar, his eyes the right color, his height only a few inches taller than her own, and less when she wore heels. He was Gabe, familiar and known. He loved her, and she him.

“This is me, Belle. Only me.” She tightened reflexively when she felt him, and had to make herself breathe. She had to fight the way the room faded a little, as if she was in a dim room rather than the brightly lit bathroom.

“There,” she sighed when she felt him inside, and the friction of his movements felt good. Familiar. Wanted. “I’ve thought about doing this at your desk before. After hours, of course.”

“It’s going to be hard to look at my desk now. That certainly would be an interesting use of government property.” His finger found her clit, rubbing small circles around the sensitive bundle. He kept the banter light, as gentle as his touch, but she know how carefully he was watching her. Analyzing her, because he was worried.

“I don’t think the government would notice. Our team, on the other hand…”

“Archie would be confused. Emma annoyed. David, I wouldn’t be surprised to find has christened his own office at some point. Graham would just shut the door.”

“And make sure no one else came in.” They were all protective of each other, but Graham was almost like a predatory animal in his watchfulness. He’d camped outside her door at the hospital, and she was fairly certain she’d seen his car outside the street the first night she’d been home. “And speaking of coming…”

“You’re safe, sweetheart. I’ve got you.” His movements were more hurried, but still with care. When it came it wasn’t the biggest or best, but relief flooded her. It was an orgasm and it was her own. And the relief was overwhelmed by happiness and anxiety, anger and a grey fog of too many things to name them all. She started shaking.

“Just a few steps to the bedroom, Belle. We’ll get you warm.” She didn’t remember the trip down the hall, but she knew she was sitting on his lap, bundled up. He was rocking her.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” How could she help people when she couldn’t even pull herself together.

“We’ll figure it out,” Gabe promised. And he held her close until she fell asleep.


End file.
